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AudiobookTwenty years into her marriage, Kat and her husband faced head-on the great underlying fear of most monogamous people: My partner wants to have sex with other people. For them, that truth led to a rollercoaster of new sexual and romantic adventures...
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Even if it doesn't seem like it, we choose how much we let other people's needs and wants influence our decision making and how much autonomy we claim for ourselves. Romantic & sexual relationships challenge autonomy regularly and in non-monogamy that challenge can be ever-present.
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Intimacy is incredibly difficult for me. Talking and socializing and revealing myself personally is much more intimate and vulnerable than sex is for me. I definitely need to feel like I have a social rapport before I have sex, but basically once I've established the other person I'm attracted to isn't a psycho, or a Republican, I'm good to go.
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I would expect the freaking-out nerves to desensitize to stimulation with repetition but each experience they react like they've never been touched before, my leg goes numb, I panic and can't imagine how it could ever feel good, unless I wait and breathe through a two-hour process and we eventually get to it feeling great.
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And if it only affected my date and I, that would be one thing, but in open relationships, one cancelled date can cascade down a line affecting multiple people. Mrs. Yoyo's date falls through, cancelling Mr. Yoyo & me. If I'd done the same, that would have affected Flick and his date Hot Mama, which would have affected her husband and so on.
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I was so nervous all the next day. Were they going to like us? Was my undercarriage grooming up to par? Was my undercarriage itself up to par? We should totally cancel.
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