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AudiobookTwenty years into her marriage, Kat and her husband faced head-on the great underlying fear of most monogamous people: My partner wants to have sex with other people. For them, that truth led to a rollercoaster of new sexual and romantic adventures...
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Author and researcher of sociology and anthropology Brenda Wiebe has written Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack my Love Life, a review of different relationship patterns throughout human history in combination with her own intimate journal entries.
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Turns out, when you shed the societal expectations of what relationships are meant to look like, you can pick & choose what elements work best for you.
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At the same time, I feel an immediate sense of loss because I know that they're not going to be as available to me. Then I feel guilty for being selfish and clingy.
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You may find yourself liking and/or loving those things too, metamours turn into paramours, and you may settle into some polyam smugness about how great you are all are at this non-monogamy thing.
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Monogamous people usually only need to worry about figuring out one of these but we ethically non-monogamous folks tend get multiple styles in multiple relationships. Whee! So lucky!
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I have been guilty of hanging onto things for far too long that weren't good for me or the other person because I loved them. We weren't in the same place mentally and emotionally.
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Not every relationship lasts forever--Whaaa?--turns out that happily ever after was kind of a fraudulent bill of goods we were sold as kids watching Disney movies. Relationships end or sometimes transition into subtly or entirely different forms.
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Going to different cities and countries is always amazing, but going to different places and having sex with people: that takes the amazing factor up to a whole new level.
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